Don't ask me for builds - because...

Note: All user information related to that user has been removed to protect his/her privacy. I'm not going to shame him/her, but thought this conversation was really funny, so rather letting it go to waste I'm putting it up here. Hopefully this makes anyone think twice before pulling something this dumb.

This is something that happened fairly recently.

One fateful morning, my Telegram handle got a message from a user. It went something like:


Sure... why not.

For any future visitors, bear in mind the following rules; I have no intention of helping you out at all if 1) you haven't tried it yourself, 2) something went wrong and you need help fixing a small component or something, and 3) you are blatantly asking me for a working build for a device that I don't have and never had.

So this was my reply:


Now you might be wondering what the fuck I gave him. Well...


By now, if you're not screaming "Bullshit" then you don't know this script at all.

And this was his reply:


'Uh oh,' I thought. 'He's onto us. He already knows...'

Except, he didn't:


(on a serious note, what chat platform do you guys use, TWRP devs?)

And then I slipped up:


Yes, yes, yes, I had written and compressed the zip on my trusty MacBook Pro. The Archive Utility had slipped in the folder during compression, and I thought I was done for.

But wait a minute. He was running Linux Mint, or some deriative of it, and he had unpacked the goddamn zip to find the _MACOSX folder. Why the fuck didn't he open up the update-binary file?

Because he's a lazy dumb bitch. He wants me to make him a build no matter what and he's too lazy to attempt it himself; blindly trusting any bone I throw at him.

This was my cover-up:


I so desperately wanted him to realize I was conning him. But:


Okay, now you should know. Right? Right?!


I swear, the more I chatted with him the more I felt like I was becoming dumber. But hey, you fight fire with fire. Come on, he was seriously not believing the bat-shit crazy Cloudflare whatever CDN story I cooked up, right?



Then out of the blue, he started talking about rr. What is rr?


(If there's any Resurrection Remix developers reading this right now, I sincerely apologize. But I felt it was too good an opportunity to pass up.)

But this gets even funnier. The story took a hilarious turn, when this guy/girl admitted this:


Yes, that's right! You heard it right, ladies and gentlemen. This guy/girl, doesn't know who the fuck Paul McCartney is.



OK, thanks for telling me your favorite artists. But seriously. It's 2018, get some new tunes, too.

At this point, it was nearing 1 AM. I lost all hope and faith in humanity and stopped trying to be funny:


Yeah, that wasn't funny. That taser thing was actually borrowed from a Reddit comment I read about this kid named "Kevin" who did dumb shit.

And to wrap it all off, here was my magic explanation:


Good night for real, folks.

Grab the (much unnecessary) press kit here.