This morning, I woke up to this email in my inbox:

Hi Eric,

This is Jim, the co-founder of Quire.

I was browsing our data analytics and noticed that you are probably thinking of leaving.

May I ask why?

A few words from you would mean a great deal to us. Please hit reply.

Thanks!

Best,
Jim

Well, thanks Quire! You know, I noticed that emails from you generally fall into one of the following categories - emails about security breaches, emails about “daily digests you might like!”, or emails about user retention. And I don’t want to receive any emails like these. (Not that I wouldn’t like to be notified if there’s a security breach; no, I mean that there shouldn’t be a breach in the first place.)

The problem with this email is that first, I’m not “thinking” of leaving. I’m not sure how your data metrics are labeled in your “data analytics” software, but you can’t assume I’m thinking about “leaving” or deleting my account on Quire just because I haven’t used it for a couple of weeks. Plus, Quire is a QnA platform, so naturally I don’t visit Quire unless I have a question. The nature of the site contributes to why users infrequently access Quire.

Second, this is creepy and just a horrifying way to retain users. My friend recently received a similar email - and he thought it was fucking creepy as hell. The fact that the entire thing comes off as a phishing attempt - not to mention the lack of any Quire branding makes it look fake - the only thing that told us this email is genuine is the quire.io domain the email was sent from.

Finally, there’s no way to unsubscribe from these kinds of emails. Case above - I don’t give a shit about “daily digest” emails but do want to receive security breach announcements. (No, sigh, I want to receive emails when it happens, but don’t want said breach to… well, you get the point.) I certainly do not want to receive emails to gauge how well Quire’s marketing team is functioning. Unfortunately, this email is set apart from the other types of emails by the lack of the “Unsubscribe” button in the footer.

Quire, this type of user retention emails is a horrible and ineffective way to retain users. As a matter of fact, I want to see how many users you’ve scared off using this email type, with your “data analytics” tool. Stop sending these bullshit emails and focus on not having any more security breaches.